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1.17.2019

Why Family Should Always Be First, Pt. 2 -10 Ways to Take Care of Your Man

"The relationship between husband and wife should be one of closest friends." - B.R. Ambedkar

Why Family Should Always Be First, Pt. 2-10 Ways to Take Care of Your Man.  Tips on how to protect your marriage whether you are in ministry or not. #familyfirst #beingmarriedtoapastor #marriageandministrybalance


In Part 1 of this series, Why Family Should Always Be First, I wrote about focusing on your kids.  Now being married to a pastor (I'm a youth pastor's wife) I will be writing on how important it is to take care of your husband. Remember, family should be first to ministry but not before God. I mentioned in part 1 that your family is your most important ministry and your marriage falls into that category.

The correct family order is God, husband, children.  Do not neglect your husband for your children.  It's very easy to do but when that happens family discord and issues can start to surface.

My husband has a double role. We are missionaries from El Salvador and he works full time in the Christian school that our church has and he is the youth pastor. We have to really organize our time well and protect the little time we do have as a family.  One thing that we don't do, which is impossible right now, is have date nights.  I'd be happy for a date night once a month, but we don't have anyone to watch our kids and it is rare when we have a night off.  However, it is something I would like to try to do in the future. If you can do it put it into practice. It's so important to have one on one quality time without the kids hanging from your legs and interrupting every 3 seconds.


Our marriage usually ends up taking a back seat to work, the kids, ministry, and whatever else may be going on in our lives.  It shouldn't be that way.

When our marriage takes a backseat to everyone and everything else things can start to fall apart. 


So I'm going to be real here. My number one fear in our marriage is infidelity.  Why?

Because it can happen to anyone.

 I completely trust my husband and I am not a jealous wife. You really can't be when your husband is a pastor because there are more women in the church than men. Women of all ages and types will be looking to your husband for advice. Jealousy will tear you apart if you let it. That's why it is important to take care of your husband, take care of your marriage so there is no area that the enemy can slip in.

Another reason is that I read that 40% of Pastors admit to having an extramarital affair. That is alarming and very scary. It happens because there is no accountability or boundaries.  Precisely the reason I am writing this.

Why Family Should Always Be First, Pt. 2-10 Ways to Take Care of Your Man.  Tips on how to protect your marriage whether you are in ministry or not. #familyfirst #beingmarriedtoapastor #marriageandministrybalance


 10 Ways to Take Care of Your Man

 

1. Turn off the technology.

We have two rules.  One, there are no phones at the table.  When we eat as a family we interact as a family.  Two, no phones during conversations.  We all do it and most women can scroll and listen but it just isn't fair. Give your spouse your 100% attention when you are having a conversation.

2. Don't talk about church or ministry.

This one can be hard and sometimes it is necessary.  I usually let my husband initiate the conversation if he wants to talk about something ministry wise, unless it's something truly important. If you can't find anything else at all to talk about there are tons of conversation starters that you can find to help encourage conversation.

3. Read a book or devotional together.

I found the best way to do this is weekly.  Decided on something and read a chapter a week whenever you can and then pick a day when you will discuss what you read. This is great because each one can read on their own time but both have covered the information by the time you decide to talk about it.

4. Do some kind of physical activity together.

Ruben and I are active, outdoorsy types so we love hiking, running, snorkeling etc. We used to run daily together (BK-Before Kids). Now we try to take the kids out on their bikes and we walk around the neighborhood. We still hike and snorkel but it isn't something we do weekly.  Even putting on a workout video and doing it together is a great activity.  Exercise is a great stress reliever and believe me pastors are very stressed, even if they don't say or show it.

5. Have him set boundaries.

A pastor will have counseling sessions with women, and many of them.  Has a single woman or teenager come to me looking for help? I can count them on my hand.  How many women go to my husband daily looking for counseling? Too many to count.  It's part of the job. So you need to help him set boundaries.  Don't give women rides alone, keep the door open during counseling sessions or have someone else there. Many times Ruben will ask if I can be present. However,  because of my schedule I am usually not available.  His office has a door with a window and on the opposite side, there is a cutout window so anyone can see in or out.

 6. Trust him.

He needs to know you trust him. Tell him you trust him, show him that you trust him. Do not be that crazy that starts accusing him of something because you saw some attractive women talking to him after service.  Be confident in who are you in Christ and you will be able to trust your husband.

 

 7. Be discerning and communicate it to him.

Most women are much more discerning than men are.  This area can get muddy because you can not let your insecurities or jealousies get in the way.  Believe me, it can be hard. There are countless females who have little or nothing to do with me but frequently seek advice from my husband. I CAN NOT allow shallow insecurities shadow my discernment.

It is not about if I like someone, of if a certain women never talks to me, or they way she looks or treats me overshadow the authority that I have as a pastor's wife and more so as women of God. Discernment is a gift from the Holy Spirit. It's the feeling that you just know something is off. It could about a person or a place. Whenever you get that feeling don't ignore it. Ask the Lord what it is. Ask for wisdom and understanding. Share it with your husband or warn him if necessary.

This is where the trust part comes in. He is much more willing to listen to you if he knows that you trust him and in return, he also will trust your judgment and leading.

9. Be his prayer warrior.

 Most likely no one else is praying for him on a regular basis. He needs help from the Lord Most High to manage all that is required of him. He needs you to stand in the gap for him, to lift his arms up through prayer.  Pray for your marriage and that God would keep you both pure.  That you would fall in love over and over again. Put your needs and fears about your marriage before the Lord.

10. Be His Biggest Fan

Encourage and defend him. Speak words of life over him.  Support him.  At the end of the day it's your arms he is running to.


Marriage is work. Ministry is work. However, serving together with my husband in ministry is truly amazing. It is hard and very difficult sometimes but it is so worth it.  Each one of these tips I put into practice and will continue to do so. Our marriage is nowhere close to perfect but we love each other and we love God.  You have to find that balance in your marriage and ministry for it to work.




12 comments:

  1. Life is hard and marriage is even harder no matter where you are, but the one thing we can stand on is the Rock of our foundation. I'm praying God will provide a way for you and your husband to have a date night and be refreshed and renewed in your spirit. I have been in ministry for over 35 years and know the cost of ministry, the good and the bad, but know that God is with you and He is your perfect sustainer and protector and taking care of both of you!

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    1. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and prayer!!! I appreciate it. Blessings

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  2. I can't even imagine how hard it would be to be married to a pastor. Tips 9 and 10 are my favorites on this list, but I can see the value in all of them for a Pastor's wife.

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    1. It is definitely a challenge sometimes but with God all things are possible.

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  3. Love these tips. They are super practical. I love the part about him setting boundaries

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  4. What a great article and amazing tips for your marriage! It's so easy to put everything before your husband and your marriage, but your marriage is the foundation that your family is built on! Great tips! Thanks for sharing!

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    1. It really is. You have to really work on putting your husband first. I'm glad you enjoyed.

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  5. I love the vibe of this post and you look like a really happy family!

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    1. Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. We have our ups and downs but for the most we are happy.

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